Toxic parenting has become a common occurrence around us. We often notice that children are becoming socially awkward or violent with others or committing suicide due to failure in the examinations, social relationships and so on. It’s also noticeable that adults are failing in their relationships, unhappy in their social and personal life, depressed, committing suicide etc. Not all but in the significant cases, these children and adults are somehow abused by their parents which is leading them to a lack of self-confidence, social awkwardness, feeling demotivated, anxiety and depression.
Parents protect their children from harm and provide them with their basic needs such as food, clothing, habitat, medical care and education. They also provide their children with financial support, safety, supervision and control. But sometimes they start causing emotional damage to their children through their negative and poisonous behaviour and this is how they turn themselves into toxic parents. They start expecting higher and higher from their children and compare them with other’s children. They nip their children’s potential in the bud and force them to fulfil their dreams neglecting the children’s dreams. Sometimes they start asking for a return from their children as they are spending for them.
There are different types of toxic parents such as the inadequate parents, the controllers, the alcoholics, the verbal abusers, the physical abusers and the sexual abusers. The inadequate parents remain busy with their problems and not only ignore taking care of their children but also force their children to take care of them. The controllers use guilt, manipulation, and over-helpfulness as their strong weapons toward their children to control their children’s lives. The alcoholics are always mired in denial and have chaotic mood swings. They get a little chance to do parenting towards their children. The verbal abusers constantly make fun of their children, criticize them, humiliate them and also curse them. The physical abusers cannot control their rage and hurt their children physically but often blame their children for their behaviour. The sexual abusers are the ultimate betrayers. They ruin their children’s childhood.
On the contrary, good parents have several traits that made them successful in their parenthood. Love and affection from parents are one of the greatest needs of children. Good parents deliver adequate love and affection to their children that make them psychologically developed. Besides, they have good communication with their children and their children also feel free, reliable and safe to share their words with them. They often set limits for their children so that they do not become reckless in their lives. Another trait of good parents is they manage their stress and never do anything wrong to their children or hurt them by giving excuses for being stressed. They become role models to their children, teach them how to take responsibility in their lives and never encourage them to be dependent on them. Children of good parents get to learn new positive experiences under their parents’ supervision.
Children of toxic parents can rarely have a normal life like others. They face difficulties while socializing with others. They often fail in their relationships with their partners and children. They think themselves liable for whatever happens to them and start hating themselves. They often become violent or co-dependent or ignorant of their partners. Sometimes despite their unwillingness, they are controlled by their parents and become unable to be individuals. Due to depression and anxiety, they often kill themselves or remain living dead for the rest of their lives.
Children are also human beings. They deserve love and care. They have the right to make the decisions in their lives. Parents can contribute a lot by instructing them about good and bad but they should not force their opinion on their children. This makes the children frustrated and their self-worthiness becomes questioned. Every child is born with their potential. Parents should help them to find out their potential and interests. Today’s children are tomorrow’s world leaders. If they can unleash their potential and work with them, numerous possibilities will come and they can make a better future for the world.
As conscious human beings, each of us should focus on good parenting and stop toxic parenting right now. A better future for the children is in our hands. We can protect the very heart of the children’s childhood just by giving them proper love and care as well as opportunities to unleash their potential. We have to give them the chance to be different from us and become individuals.
Ishrata 